The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying is a book that I’ve hear people mention for the last couple of years. As I recently got back into reading, It thought it would be a good book for me to pick up. Dan has been trying to get me to be tidier ever since we met. In my first room in my halls of residence when I was at music college, Dan fell over something on the floor when he went to turn on the light. His response to this was “I’ll make you a tidy person Tania Dutton, if it’s the last thing I do.” So I thought I owed it to him to read this book to improve my tidiness, something I have been working on recently.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get past the first chapter of the book. I picked it up & put it down the same night. The reason? The book talks about the importance of tidying the whole house completely, rather than one bit at a time. This is something that’s not possible for me with my collection of chronic illnesses, including EDS, PoTS & migraine. I just don’t have the energy. I figured that it would be worth me continuing to read The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying & to adapt the techniques to something manageable. After all, isn’t that what I do with my life anyway? Think about what I want to do & adapt the conventional way into something I can manage?
It was as I was thinking these thoughts that I came across the line “It’s not hard to tidy up perfectly and completely in one fell swoop. In fact, anyone can do it.” This is ableist language. At that point, I put the book down & decided that I would not benefit from reading it.
I felt like, if anything, it would be counterproductive & potentially harmful for me to read a book that makes me feel like a failure for not being able to do something that most people are able to. My life is different. I am able to do a lot, which I am grateful for, but most things require adaptation in one form or another. There are things I can’t do though, like run or go & see a film with strobe lighting. These are limits that my body has placed on me & it’s not fair for me to be made to feel any less of a person because of the things my body won’t let me do.
Have you read The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying? What did you think of it?
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You should never feel like a failure, this book doesn’t sound too great which is a shame. I’m not a tidy person either and that’s okay! x
https://57-days.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/22-reasons-to-thank-my-friends.html
Thanks Ellen, I really thought it would have some helpful tips. Such a shame that if there were any, the language meant I didn’t get to them. Xx
I think if a book makes you feel like a failure then that book is a failure in itself. From what I’ve read it seems like the person who wrote this book is really ‘all of nothing’ and honestly if she wants to spend her days tidying then by all means go ahead, but for so many of us that’s just not practical and we shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that!
http://www.thesundaymode.blogspot.com.au
Thank you so much for this, I’d never thought of it this way. I completely agree, if she wants to tidy all day, she can come & do mine instead of making me feel bad because I can’t! Xx
Personally the best things I’ve ever heard are the advice to tidy during ad breaks, always pick something up when you go upstairs, look at tasks as a series of actions rather than a whole entity (e.g. instead of ‘tidy the study ‘first step might be ‘gather all paperwork and hole punch it for filing’. Bur then my house aint that tidy so I’m no guru! And as below- no helping book should make someone feel like a failure.
I’ve been trying to progress like this. Things like ‘put away one thing on my dressing table as I go past it’. This works, when I remember to do it. The ad break wouldn’t work for me unless I’m tidying downstairs, but it’s mostly upstairs that needs work. I think you’re right, no self help book should make you feel inadequate. Xx
I read what the main thrust of the book was and didn’t even bother to look further! I have a very difficult time cleaning my house and already have my own guilt!
I don’t blame you. I didn’t read the back cover, but have seen so many people talking about the book on social media. Cleaning & tidying is such a hard thing when you have a chronic illness, we definitely don’t need any extra guilt about something we struggle with. Xx
Oh wow, I read a couple of chapters and totally didn’t pick up on the physically ableist language. I suffer from mental health problems that make it really hard to tackle tidying even a small part of my house, let alone throwing away half of my stuff and rearranging the entire house, so I felt totally left out and demotivated by the notion. I also found the almost spiritual aspect of it hard – how am I meant to hold something and find joy in it, especially when I struggle to find joy in anything?
Steph – http://www.nourishmeblog.co.uk
I’m so sorry this book made you feel demotivated & demoralised too. I didn’t get to the ‘hold an item & find joy in it’ aspect, but I can totally understand why you found it so hard. If anything this type of thinking makes life harder for those who struggle to find joy & happiness in things because of their mental health. Sending lots of love your way. Xx
I picked up the book for the same reason as you. Tom is as untidy as me and our house is unruly. I thought exactly the same when I read about doing the whole house in one go. I thought even on my best day I would not have the energy to do the whole thing! I continued reading it though … I think the one that made me laugh more than anything she talks about not downgrading things to loungewear and instead you should sleep in something feminine … nah bitch ill continue to sleep in my oversized tshirts that my husband no longer wants thanks …
Now, the life changing magic of not giving a f**k that book is fab :)
I’m so glad it wasn’t just me who felt like this. I totally understand that there’s no way to write for everyone’s abilities, but at least give examples of how you can adapt to make it suitable & don’t use ableist language. I didn’t get as far as the loungewear bit, but I agree with you – all about the comfort! I definitely want to read The Life Changing Magic Of No Giving A F**k! Xx
I’m sorry but… This book sounds like complete bs. Like, what?? The magic of tidying?? People need to get real I think… I don’t mean to sound insensitive but c’mon… Sure it’s important to keep our surroundings neat and clean but is it really worth writing a book about it…? Sounds like the sort of book that would just piss me off reading it, haha. :P <3 x
Kay
http://shoesandglitter.com
Haha I can see how it would be helpful if it gave tips & ideas that people wouldn’t usually think of. I’d never have picked it up if people hadn’t been raving about it on social media. It ended up really annoying me! Xx
Really interesting post! I definitely like a clean living space but life is messy and that’s how it’s meant to be! :)
Xx
Molly
http://www.trendychickadee.com
I much prefer a tidy living space, but I do struggle with keeping it that way. I was hoping this book would give me some helpful tips. As you say, life is messy, so I probably shouldn’t worry too much. Xx
I keep hearing loads about this book but there is no way you can become more tidier by someone telling you?
Parie x
classandglitter.com
I was hoping there would be some helpful tips & things I hadn’t thought of, but I couldn’t keep reading to find out. Xx
I am either ridiculously tidy or really messy… in fact I like it when things are messy so that you notice the difference! I’ve not read this book but of course have seem all the hype around it and realise that it’s quite an ‘extreme’ way of doing things. As you say who has time to do a complete tidy and declutter in one swoop? Not me. I can take a whole afternoon cleaning and tidying my wardrobe and I’m not someone with excessive clothes!
Victoria x
FlorenceandMary.com
I’m so glad it’s not just me! The book is definitely an extreme way of doing things, it’s a shame that there weren’t adaptations to fit people’s lifestyles. Surely more people would stick to tidying if it was complimentary to their lives? Xx
Couldn’t agree more. I believe one of her ‘ideas’ is that every evening you empty your bag and put away everything in it to it’s ‘rightful’ place. That’s just ridiculous. I try to sort through my bag if not every evening but once a week to get rid of the rubbish that tends to pile up but it’d be time wasting for me to pack away everything I have in the bag daily!
I couldn’t do that! I’d end up in a flap in the morning trying to find everything I needed to re pack my bag. I’d easily end up forgetting something too. It’s definitely a system that wouldn’t work for everyone. Xx
It really frustrates me when something is touted as being suitable for all, when it couldn’t be further from the truth. Plus using language like this author has only serves to make people feel inadequate or like a failure if they don’t match up to what is being expected, which is just not on.
Absolutely Donna. I don’t understand how the writer doesn’t see that, even for people who work long hours, tidying all in one go is not feasible. Xx
Tania – have you looked at FLyLady – she recommends no more than 15 minutes at a time and a different “area” each day – I used to quite enjoy her system but haven’t got back in to it since becoming bed bound. Now that I’m up and about more I might have another look. She’s very adamant about not doing too much in one go (from what I remember), except shining your sink every night – i.e. going to bed with a clean kitchen sink! I’ve just moved abroad to take care of my parents (haha the irony of someone in a wheelchair who gets absolutely exhausted doing not a whole lot taking care of others!), the house is huge and there’s a lot for me to do. I’ll be taking tiny baby steps (as the stairs are too numerous to think about). ps my daughter who also has EDS (and most likely POTS), anxiety & depression tried the Konimari book and it really upset her – she thought it would improve her life and instead it just made things worse :(
Ooo… I’ve not heard of FlyLady, thanks for the recommendation. I’ll add that to my reading list. It sounds a much better system for me. Though I don’t think I would be able to manage the ‘clean sink’ aspect. But having dirty dishes in the sink while the full dishwasher runs over night isn’t something that bothers me. I’ll be sure to avoid the Konimari book, it’s a shame that these books seem to be written for a certain ‘type’ of person with no suggestions on adaptation. Xx
I thought she was bizarre too, I read the book while staying at a friend’s house. However I have used her folding technique which is great – now all my clothes fit in the drawers and I can see everything. As a messy person I never thought I would like folding stuff but its excellent
I don’t think I got as far as the folding technique. I’m glad it’s helped you! I’ve realised that my disorganisation and messiness *may* be connected to my dyslexia, so I’m trying to work on some visual strategies to improve this. It’s a work in progress. Xx