I grew up with a good amount of self confidence. I was lucky that it was something my parent’s instilled in me from an early age. Unfortunately, life can throw you a curve ball & things can change. After a set of distressing events, I was left with my self confidence in tatters. It’s taken me approximately 10 years to rebuild what was taken from me, but I finally feel like I’m there & wanted to share with you how I managed to regain self confidence.
You’re probably wondering what lead to my self confidence ending up shattered. In truth, it’s something I haven’t discussed on my blog. I’ve mentioned my PTSD, but not it’s cause. So here it is. When I was 18 I got into a bad relationship. It didn’t start off bad, but within the first month, it had become abusive. I was sexually & emotionally abused for a year & a half before I was able to find the strength to leave. Understandably, this domestic abuse left me feeling worthless & scared.
I felt broken, a shell of my former self. Like part of me had died. I had no idea when or even if I would get ‘me’ back. Being able to regain self confidence was something I dared not dream of.
It’s taken a long, long time. I wish I could say that there was one turning point or something specific that I did to regain the self confidence that had been taken from me, but there wasn’t. I think this is partly because self confidence is different for everyone. Despite this, I’m going to talk you through some of the things I think have contributed to me being able to regain self confidence, in the hope that it will help others to get theirs back too.
I think the biggest thing was surrounding myself with some of the kindest, most caring & encouraging people. This hasn’t been the easiest thing to do. You can’t choose you work colleagues, your family (luckily I wouldn’t change a single member of my family) or some of the other people you interact with regularly. What you can do is distance yourself from them & learn how to deal with their negativity affectively. This takes time & very much depends on who the other person is & how they’re affecting you. I may write a separate post on this.
I sought help for my PTSD. This wasn’t an easy process. I saw a number of counsellors who didn’t have a clue. There were services I was advised to tap into, only to find out I wasn’t eligible when I tried. I had to jump through hoops that were challenging for me with the symptoms I was experiencing, but eventually I got to see someone who was able to help me. In addition, I changed my migraine medication as it wasn’t working. After doing this, I found out it had been exacerbating my PTSD symptoms.
I worked hard on loving & appreciating myself. The horrible things I had been told about myself during the abuse had taken a toll on me. It was hard to accept that they weren’t true. I allowed myself the time I needed to change what I had been made to believe. I tried hard to not get frustrated that I wasn’t improving my self confidence as quickly as I would like.
Unfortunately, I was on medication that caused me to put on 3.5 stone. This did nothing for my self confidence but, having come off the medication & lost 2 stone, I now feel much more confident in my own skin. This has been the final piece of the puzzle for me. I still have 1.5 stone to go before I’m my comfortable weight, but I’ve learnt to appreciate my figure.
My blog has definitely helped in my journey to regain self confidence. Having people read what I write, enjoy it & come back for more means the world to me. My blog has given me a way to get my voice heard, after having it taken from me.
The result of me being able to regain self confidence? I interact with people more, I’m able to stand up for myself, & I no longer care when people judge me. Before, I would worry what I had done wrong, but now I know that when people do judge me, they do so without fully knowing my situation. They’re the ones in the wrong, not me & it feels so good to finally be able to see that.
Do you have any tips for building or regaining self confidence?
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Such a brave post, I hope it helps others.
Victoria x
FlorenceandMary.com
Thank you so much Victoria! Xx
This is such a brave and helpful post lovely, it will give others the hope that they too can regain their confidence and I am so pleased you have managed to regain yours. My youngest was very badly bullied aged 14/15 and she has no confidence at all with anything, her looks, her uni work, learning to drive, nothing and it breaks my heart, she is stunning but hates herself and she can drive perfectly well but is unable to take her test because she doesn’t have the confidence it is so so sad, the bullies are still bullying her 4/5 years later and still ruining her life and I don’t know how to help her :( xxx
Zoe ♥ MammafulZo
Thank you so much Zoe! I really hope that it allows others to see that they can get back what has been taken from them & that it just takes time. I’m so sorry to hear that your daughter was & still is being bullied. I really don’t understand how people can be so nasty to someone else. How do people enjoy making others miserable? I just don’t understand. I’m sending lots of love to both you & your youngest. If there is anything I can do to help either of you through this, please do let me know. I can’t bear to think of the misery these awful bullies have caused. Xx
Oh Tania I’m so sorry to hear what you went through. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you. I’m so glad that you have come through the other side and it’s made you stronger. You are a lovely lady and I’m so glad you have your confidence back xxx
Thank you so much Leah! I wouldn’t wish those few years on my worst enemy. I’m very lucky that I had support to get out of the relationship & that I met Dan around the same time. Honestly, I don’t think I’d be here if it weren’t for the people who supported me through, particularly Dan. I never knew whether my self confidence would be gone for ever, it’s such a relief to have it back & be able to look back on everything I’ve achieved when I have a confidence wobble. Xx
Such a brave and courageous post to write. I am so very sorry to hear about what you went through. I can not even begin to understand. I am so happy to hear that you have have been able to regain your confidence. Continue to be strong and I know it’s easy to say, but my advise is to never give up. xx
Ann-Marie | http://facetocurls.com
Thank you so much Ann-Marie! It’s such a great feeling knowing that he hasn’t won & that I’m stronger than anything he threw at me. You’re so right about never giving up. After all, there is a chance with anything that you won’t succeed, but you definitely won’t if you stop trying! Xx
You’re so inspiring, Tania! How courageous of you to be so open with your readers xx
Blessings,
Edye | gracefulcoffee.wordpress.com
Thank you so much! That really means a lot. Xx
Thanks for sharing this Tania!
I went through two abusive marriages and it unfortunately it takes a long time to heal.
Sharing your journey with others is of insurmountable altruism because you’re not only sharing a very painful part of your life but also how you worked through it so as to inspire others in similar, difficult circumstance!
Your journey continues to inspire my own efforts in building my own brand for the chronic illness/disabled lifestyle. I’m extremely glad you made it out of the darkness of domestic abuse and even happier you are proactively dealing with your PTSD…It is by no means easy!
Much love and wishes for abundant spoons when needed <3 Thanks again for sharing <3
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through similar experiences. Something I’ve struggled with, is understanding how anyone can treat another person in this manner. This feeling of confusion & disbelief is always brought back to me when I hear of other people’s experiences.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I think you’re doing a fantastic job with sharing your experiences of chronic illness & disability & creating a brand from your writing. Your writing style & ability to put things into words inspires me.
Sending lots of love & spoons your way! Xx
Thank you for sharing this and being brave enough to speak out. I was in a physically abusive relationship for a year and half too but I always just used to push it under the carpet and think it would go away. I am so glad that I left it and now I am with someone who completely gets it and is so uplifting! I am gradually working on my self confidence too! I am so glad you’ve found yours again too – you deserve all of the happiness! :)
Tania | teabee x
I’m so sorry to hear you have gone through similar. I understand pushing it under the carpet all too well. I’m so glad that we both got out, it isn’t an easy thing to do. I’m also really glad that we both have someone who deserves us now. I’m always here if you want or need to talk to someone who understands. Xx