Christmas Cracker Jokes

“Knock knock” “Who’s there?” This is a regular exchange in my family at Christmas. The instigator? My Dad. Dad has always been a fan of telling jokes. When we were younger, it seemed that he had a never ending supply of the things. When we got a little older, Dad had a whole other genre of jokes to tell. So I thought I’d compile a list of some of my favourite (clean) Christmas cracker jokes, for your enjoyment!

Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?

They always drop their needles!

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?

Because he he’s low ‘elf’ esteem!

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?

Deep pan, crisp and even!

What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?

Tinsilitis!

Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital? (one for my spoonie friends!)

Because he has private elf care!

What do snowmen eat for Christmas?

Ice Crispies

What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?

A puddle!

Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose!

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

Why couldn’t the skeleton got to the Christmas party?

Because he had no body to go with!

What goes Oh! Oh! Oh!

Father Christmas walking backwards!

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings here hung by the chimney with care, because they’d been worn all week and needed to be aired!

Do Christmas cracker jokes feature prominently as part of your Christmas? Who’s the friend or family member with the best jokes in your life?