Originally, today’s post was going to be about breastfeeding with chronic illness. But, something happened this week that made me want to preface that post with this one. I received a comment on an Instagram photo, which talked about my need to start medication for my PoTS and as a result, having to stop breastfeeding. This comment was unsolicited, rude and quite frankly, ableist. She started off asking me if I’d tried a highly raw vegan diet and then went on to tell me that I shouldn’t stop breastfeeding. ERM… WHAT!?! There’s so much stigma attached to the way women feed their babies, whether breast or bottle. So let’s talk about why fed is best.
I’m so cross by how many amazing mothers receive criticism and judgment for feeding their baby. I’ll say it again – FED IS BEST!
There are many different reasons behind how a person feed’s their baby. Milk supply, chronic illness and personal choice are just a few. Some of these are through necessity, others are a decision. All of them are the right option for a mother and her baby.
As I write this post, I keep going to add specifics about my personal circumstances. But I don’t think these would be helpful in this discourse. I can see me getting so in-depth about my experiences that it overshadows the bigger picture, that fed is best, what ever the reasons for a particular method. So, all I’m going to say here is that I have had to start on medication for my PoTS, to keep both Elise and me safe. As a result, we’ve had to switch to formula feeds. I’ll discuss more about my personal circumstances in a separate post.
There seems to be so much judgment over the way a mother feeds her baby. While it appears, at least to me, that parents who formula feed get the most judgment, breastfeeding Mums aren’t exempt for this experience.
Subtly breastfeeding Elise
It took a long time for me to come round to the idea that it might be best for our baby if they were formula fed. Dan started gently suggesting this when we were in the planning-to-come-off-medication stage of our pregnancy journey. I was desperate to exclusively breastfeed, but slowly begun to listen to Dan and appreciate that he was making a very good point – that being a functional mother is better than just providing milk.
While I’ve accepted that switching to formula feeding at 7 weeks so I could go back onto medication was the best thing for Elise, it was still emotionally difficult. Having strangers ask me how I’m feeding her, or passing comment that she’s formula fed, makes me feel like a failure. I feel like my body has let me down and I hate being reminded of that.
Having been judged on social media for the need to take medication and switch to formula, I can’t imagine the judgment those who have chosen to formula feed go through. As I’ve already said, fed is best. While some people would argue that choosing to formula feed isn’t giving a baby the best start in life, I would strongly disagree.
A mother choosing to formula feed her baby has just as much reason to do so as someone who has to formula feed through circumstances out of their control. In all instances, this choice or need is in the best interests of the baby.
You might be wondering why I feel this way. Well, imagine you’re forced to do something you don’t want to. At best, you feel uncomfortable. At worst, you resent it. A baby will pick up on these feelings. If a mother is forced to feed her baby in a way that she isn’t comfortable with, it’s highly likely that this will hinder the bonding process, potentially having a harmful impact.
Elise had her first bottle in week 3. The cluster feeds were too much for my body and made my PoTS particularly bad. It too about a week for me to even be comfortable with being in the same room when Elise was being bottle fed. I didn’t want her to pick up on this, so I took myself off somewhere else. Slowly I was able to be in the same room, but still couldn’t bring myself to bottle feed her.
Now, I’m comfortable with Elise being formula fed and am doing the majority of the feeds. But it’s been an emotional journey. I’ve been lucky that Dan has been around to bottle feed Elise when I didn’t feel able to.
Imagine this the other way round – forcing a woman to breastfeed who doesn’t want to. She can’t take herself away while someone else does the feeding, that’s not how breastfeeding works! Negative emotions make it harder for mothers to bond with their babies and babies pick up on these, which can lead to them being unsettled. In this scenario, no one wins.
If a mother doesn’t want to breastfeed her baby, then formula is the best option not only for her, but also for her baby. If a mother has to formula feed, that’s best for the baby too. Whether the source be breast or bottle, fed is best. Bonding can be achieved during the feeding experience, whether the method be bottle or breast.
Now, there are certain health benefits to breastfeeding – both for mother and baby. But, we need to remember the importance of emotional wellbeing in the postpartum period and how bonding is so important during this time. Considerate of medical conditions that may occur in mother and/or baby are also vital. We shouldn’t be making judgments on how a woman feeds her baby. The important thing is that the baby is being fed and both mother and baby are as healthy as possible.
And to the woman who suggested a highly raw vegan diet and told me I shouldn’t stop breastfeeding? Maybe try not judging someone, who’s circumstances you can’t even begin to understand and concentrate on your own baby.
Issy has written a fantastic post, entitled Breastfeeding and why women can do better, which I would urge you to read.
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